Tag Archives: primary school writing

The Octopus – by Jacko (Aged 10)

OctopusLate one creepy night at the very bottom of the Pacific Ocean lived an old, slimy octopus. He was weird, feared by all, looked hurt and ugly, and his eyes shone bright red. His tentacles were short and yellow. He smelt like a rotten fish and the carcass of a frog. The octopus was sick and tired of being feared and he wanted it to stop. He wanted to have friends and be liked and so he called an ocean meeting to discuss his loneliness. Later that creepy night stood an unhappy and lonely octopus as he realized that no animal out of the entire Pacific Ocean had come to the meeting.
Jacko (Aged 10)

This is a very sad, rather funny story, about a lonely octopus. Note that Jack has used a simile as he describes the way that the poor old fellow smelt.

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The Magic Flying Carpet – by Dardo (Aged 7)

flying carpetThe small boy is on a magic carpet flying in the clouds with a bird.  He is happy and his bird is flying beside him.  They are on their way to the moon because they are looking for aliens.  They got lost.  They searched for the moon and at last they found it and they went home.
 
Dardo (Aged 7)

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The Apple – Oscar (aged 7)

Climbing TreeAt 5.30 on a Monday morning, in a village, three college boys were climbing a tall tree because they were trying to reach a red Queen apple.  Oscar, Finlay and Patrick had just paid three hundred dollars to go to school at Marist Brothers private collage at Ashgrove and they were feeling excited and proud of themselves which is why they decided to stretch Oscar’s arm to reach the high apple on the tree.  They tried all day until they achieved their goal at 5 pm and then they took the lovely apple to Oscar’s mother and she cut it into sixes, which is two sweet pieces for each of them.  The apple filled them up so they didn’t have to eat their corn and cabbage quiche for dinner that night, which all three agreed they didn’t like.  At 5.30 on Tuesday morning they were starving again.

Oscar, aged 7 years.

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The Pig – by Jacko (aged 10)

Escaping PigEarly one day on an old dairy farm lived a shaggy worn out pig.  This old worn out pig had lived a horrible life on a small dose of food and water.  The pig was tired of living on the farm so he thought to himself, “I have to escape”.  Every day he chewed and chewed at the barbed wire fence until it snapped apart.  The pig was so happy!  Later that day the pig escaped.  In the morning the dairy farmer realised the shaggy worn out pig had escaped.

Jacko (aged 10)

 

At times the writing tutor will challenge the student to write on a topic, in this case a pig.  The student and the tutor have fifteen minutes to come up with a story.  Creative writing can sometimes be creative anxiety, and an anxiety which may leave a child immobilised (and not just children).   You cannot remove anxiety by avoiding the stimulant (the test situation) so we encourage the children to have fun with the pressure of competition.  Once fun is realised pressure dissipates and creativity flows.  This time I have included the tutor’s work, just for fun…

The Singing Pig – by The Tutor (age, not game to say)

Singing PigWhen the rain came at the old tractor factory the pig knew it was going to be a good day.  Slender by pig standards she was a pale skinned pig with a gentle nature.  It was her normal job to sweep the floors and feed the dogs, but not on wet days.  When it rained her task changed to singing for the assembly workers to keep their spirits up.  At morning tea when she had sung her way through Justin Beiber’s songs and was gargling in the bathroom for her next bracket, the sun came out.

The Tutor

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The Dark Dragon – by Gordon (aged 9)

DragonIn the windy sky late in the afternoon, a red scary dragon was looking down on the desert.  This dragon was calmly flying for food and enjoying the view.  Just then he saw a mouse and he swooped down for the mouse with his claws that were sharp.  A huge wind broke his control but then the wind stopped.  The dragon had lost his confidence.  The dragon late at night went away.
 
Gordon (aged 9)

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Golden Lady Beetle – by Bethany (aged 12)

Golden bugThe golden lady beetle woke up in her nest early in the morning.  The lady beetle was so colourful that you won’t even see her because she blends in with beautiful flowers.  She sleeps peacefully in her nest.  She sucks all the nectar out of the flowers.  The golden beetle enjoys her days from morning to night.

by Bethany (aged 12)

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The Sleep-over – by Oscar (aged 7)

Sleep OverOn Tuesday afternoon Finlay’s best friend Oscar, who he met at pre-school, is coming over to have a sleep-over.  In the sleep-over they are going to sleep with torches in a tent in the backyard.  When Oscar and Finlay are asleep thousands of wild bats fly over them.  Once Oscar asked Finlay if he has wild pigs or cats and he said, “I’ve got wild cats.”  On Wednesday morning Oscar’s sleep-over will be over.

Oscar (aged 7)

 

Oscar has begun to work with more complex sentences.  He is working on ways of combining three concepts or phrases into one sentence without using the conjunctive ‘and’.  For example, in the the sentence about bats he started with these sentences:

  • When Oscar and Finlay are asleep the bats will fly over them.
  • The bats are wild.
  • There are thousands of bats.

and combined them together into a sentence which used adjectives.  

In the first sentence, however, he combined these sentences:

  • On Tuesday afternoon a boy named Oscar was having a sleep-over with his best friend Finlay.
  • They have been friends since pre-school.

This time he created a complex sentence with a main clause and a subordinate clause in the middle.  The subordinate clause, which could be left out of the sentence, is marked by commas on both sides.

 

 

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The Battleship – by Gordon (aged 9)

Battle ShipEarly in the morning when it was still dark, an American battleship came whooshing through the stormy waves.  It was really dark.  It was coming for World War Two.  Many people died in the battleships but many survived.  Three years later, when it was early in the morning, the war stopped.

Gordon (aged 9)

This is Gordon’s first writing exercise with us and I think he has done very well.  Like all boys his age he was anxious about putting words to paper but discovered he enjoyed telling a story others would read.

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I Can’t Tie My Laces Because I Can’t Write

Man walking on 1 2 3 stepsIt caused me considerable concern when I read that the American Government had dropped teaching cursive writing from the core curriculum in 2010.  They have left it up to the states to decide if it should be taught in elementary schools.  Some have decided not to teach the writing and reading of cursive script.  Their students are not being taught to read or write past the printed letter.

Does not teaching how to write have repercussions other than affecting the way we develop and record our thoughts?  Is it even a concern that we become solely dependant upon smart phones, tablets and computers for recording our words?

People may have asked the same question as the motor car replaced the bicycle or television replaced evening family interaction.  Change produces change and each alteration to our lifestyle needs to be considered for its own new path.  If we haven’t looked far enough down the path before we have taken the first few steps we may arrive at a destination we did not desire.  I do not think an obese society and world environmental problem  was what Henry Ford envisioned with his Model T; nor did Steve Jobs foresee family members retreating to separate rooms when he wanted to bring the world together.

What damage can possibly be caused by not teaching cursive writing to young students?  I have already encountered a young postman who has difficulty delivering hand written letters because they used “running writing”.  So we don’t receive our mail, is that a problem these days?  The fact the young man could not decipher or decode the letters on the envelope is of greater problem to me.

Cursive writing as with all writing requires the development of fine motor skills; skills that come with practice.  The fine dexterity of finger and hand movement learned by a seven or eight year old is the same skill required to tie shoe laces, do up buttons, place a nut on a bolt or to produce a painting.  I have already begun to see within my tuition experience young students unable to control letter and number formation between 8 millimetre lines or contain them within 7 millimetre squares of a quad page.  Is this a problem?

When I was in primary school the pencil and then the pen was an important tool to my learning.  Our teacher came in early to prepare the black board with the day’s lessons.  These lessons were copied into our notebooks.  Maths problems were copied from the board or the text book before being solved.  Our scholastic days were filled with scribing and learning.  Our weekends required us to compose an essay just so we could practise our scribbles and improve our imagination.  Even now I produced drafts for this post with pencil and paper before committing them to digital creation.

Reading, writing and arithmetic formed the foundation of independence for an individual.  With all three mastered a person was armed to contribute to society, create wealth from nothing and control their destiny.  I am afraid the removal of just one may have an impact on creating an independent individual.

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The Dragon Fly – by Dardo (aged 7)

Dragon FlyAt midnight we met a dragon fly in a gum tree.  He could turn people into  ants.  He was a mean dragon fly who took over their kingdoms.  He moved in an lived there.  That is the story of the dragon fly in the gum tree.

Dardo, aged 7

 

It would appear our seven year old students are battling it out for who can write the most stories.  It was only the beginning of the year these young lads showed a complete terror of putting their thoughts on paper, or even bringing them out into the real world.  They were afraid people would not enjoy them; would find them silly; would laugh at their efforts; say they couldn’t spell; etc.  All this going on in the head of a seven year old, is it any wonder boys do not like to write?

Yes, some of these stories are silly, peculiar or may not make sense but writers call upon their experience when they put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboards).  We are asking our young students to use their imagination to replace their experience just as long as they over come their fear and begin to write.  Can you imagine what a writer will be like in years to come when he can build his imagination upon his experience.

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